"I deserve a second chance."

"Smile everyone! Life could be worse. You could have a crotch like Carole does."

"I'm a legend in the making, and I'm just getting started."

"I can almost promise you some of you will be urinated on. If that happens, we have T-shirts in the gift shop that says, 'I got peed on by a tiger.'"

"I can't believe I'm in jail for trying to kill a bitch that actually killed her husband."