"The greatest pleasure I have is in confounding the wise and puzzling the learned."

"When I was born, all the modesty I had was in my head; I took it out, looked at it, laughed, and threw it away."

"Clergymen sometimes take offense when I place my Museum next door to their churches; but really, a lecture on natural history from my platform is quite as instructive as a sermon from their pulpits."

"Not at all, my ardent and inquiring friends, there is a scientific humbug just as large as any other. We have all heard of the Moon Hoax. Do none of you remember the Hydrarchos Sillimannii, that awful…"

"I am not a philanthropist. I am a showman. But I believe in doing good while doing well."