"I started doing stand-up in San Francisco. I'd go to open mic nights, and I'd just be a total mess. I'd be so nervous, I'd shake."

"I believe in evolution. But I also believe that God is the one who started the whole process."

"It's that idea that you can have one drink - and no you can't."

"I think the greatest gift you can give someone is laughter."

"Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money."