"You could talk about oral sex in this town and people would nod wisely and say, ‘Well, that’s an alternative lifestyle.’ But talk about nuclear power and they’d burn your house down."

"I'm a big fan of laughter being the best medicine. I think it's true."

"I believe in reincarnation. In my next life, I want to be a cat. To sleep 20 hours a day and wait to be fed. To sit and lick my ass. I've always wanted to do that."

"The only good thing about being famous is that you can get a table in a crowded restaurant."

"I'm a big fan of being kind to others. I think it's the most important thing."