"I don't have problems, I have situations. Problems are meant to be solved, situations are meant to be handled."

"This clock has gotten me into a lot of fucking trouble. But you know what? This clock has gotten me out of a lot of trouble."

"I'm a good father, I'm a good man."

"I set our house on fire when I was a little child playing with lighters. Boy, did I burn the place down!"

"I'll tell you one thing you can't do: you can't put your shoes on, then your socks on."