"The problem with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so many things that aren't so."

"Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music."

"It's not that we're smarter than everybody else. It's just that we're from California, and we know how to party."

"A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his."

"I'm not a pessimist. I just believe that if you expect the worst, you're rarely disappointed."