Mark Twain

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

The commonest superstition is that some people are more superstitious than others.

We are all a little mad. Those of us who are able to laugh at our own madness are sane enough.

I believe that the only way to get a man to do a thing is to make him believe that he is doing it of his own free will.

Nothing is so annoying as to have two people talking at once, unless it is when no one will talk to you.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

The church is always trying to get money, and always trying to be popular, and always doing both things very badly.

I was born with a reading habit, and it's a good thing, because it's the only habit I've ever had that hasn't cost me money.

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

The only difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector is that the taxidermist leaves the hide.

I like a good story, but I don't believe it.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

The finest clothing made is a man's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

I am not an American. I am a Missourian.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.