"The human race is a joke. We are the only beings on this planet that have developed a sense of humor, and yet we are the only ones who take ourselves seriously."

"If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks."

"The human being is a machine. An automatic machine. It does not reason. It merely acts upon the impulse of the moment."

"I have been told that Wagner's music is better than it sounds."

"Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to."