"The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can’t fake it… try to fake three laughs in an hour—ha ha ha ha ha—they’ll take you away, man."

"I'm not here to be liked. I'm here to be understood."

"I'm not trying to be shocking. I'm just trying to be honest."

"If you're going to be a celebrity, you might as well be a good one."

"A lot of people think I'm a dirty comedian. I'm not. I'm a clean comedian. I just talk about dirty things."