"I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a hell of a time in heaven."

"A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation."

"I have been a great many things in my life, but I have never been a hypocrite."

"Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words."

"If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat."