"The very first time I got arrested, I was 20. I was with Jack Burns, a comedy partner of mine. We were arrested in a nightclub in Fort Worth, TX. We were doing a routine called 'The Indian Story' whic…"

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

"I'm not a genius. I'm just a guy who's smart enough to know what he doesn't know."

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit."

"The only good thing about the good old days is that they're gone."