"I got in a fight with my wife. She said, 'You're not a man!' I said, 'I'm a man! I got a penis!' She said, 'Yeah, but it's not working!'"

"I'm a comedian. My job is to make people laugh. And if I can make 'em think, too, that's a bonus."

"I'm not a misanthrope. I just don't like most people."

"I'm not a bitter person. I'm just a person who sees things for what they are."

"I'm a black man in America. And that's a tough job."