"I had a dog named Nigger. I loved that dog. I just didn't like the word. I loved the dog. I loved him so much I named him after the last thing my daddy told me before he left: 'Nigger, if you don't ge…"

"White folks can't call black folks niggers anymore. So now they call us 'you people.'"

"I don't believe in luck. I believe in preparation. I believe in seizing opportunities. I believe in making your own luck."

"I'm not a hero. I'm just a guy who tells jokes for a living."

"When you're getting your ass kicked, you don't stop and say, 'Hold on, I think you're violating my constitutional rights.'"