"I'm not a fan of reality television. I think it's a waste of time."

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."

"I think the human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public."

"Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

"I think the only way to deal with depression is to make fun of it."