"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"Murder. The fifth commandment. But if you think about it...if you think about it, religion has never really had a problem with murder. Not really. No, more people have been killed in the name of God t…"

"If you're born in this country, you're born into a system that's designed to keep you down. And they don't even hide it anymore. They're proud of it!"

"I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it."

"I'm not a fan of anything that requires me to interact with other human beings."