"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

"I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist. I just happen to believe that reality is a dark, depressing, and ultimately meaningless place."

"If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"

"I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."

"I'm not an athiest, I'm just an agnostic. I don't know. I don't know if there's a God. I don't know if there isn't. I'm just waiting for more information."