"I was educated in the public schools of Missouri, which were not good enough to do me any harm."

"I have found that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them."

"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

"Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul."