"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"I'm not a legend. I'm just a guy who's been around for a long time."

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is a…"

"I'm a little freaked out by the fact that I'm becoming my father. I find myself saying things like, 'Turn off the lights, I'm not paying to light the whole neighborhood!'"

"I'm not a misanthrope. I'm a misanthrope-in-training. I'm working on it. I'm getting there."