"I believe that the best way to get a man to do something is to tell him he can't do it."

"An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency."

"Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink."

"I am not an American. I am a Missourian."

"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."