"I'm not a guru. I'm just a guy who has a lot of opinions."

"I'm not a psychopath. I just enjoy manipulating people."

"I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist. I just happen to believe that reality is a dark, depressing, and ultimately meaningless place."

"I'm not a guru. I'm a guy who's trying to figure things out, just like you."

"I'm not a fan of reality television. I think it's a bunch of people who are trying to be famous, and they're willing to do anything to get it."