You know, men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I'm from an entirely different solar system where we just communicate by throwing cheese at each other.
Comedian, actor
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"They say only two things are certain: death and taxes. I say there's three: death, taxes, and when you're in a hurry, there's always some old guy in front of you driving 20 miles under the speed limit…"
Controversial"If you ever have a problem, just remember: you're not alone."
Controversial"The only disability in life is a bad attitude."
Controversial"I love my wife, but sometimes I want to take a picture of her and send it to the police with a caption: 'Have you seen this woman? She's driving me crazy!'"
Humorous"You got to be crazy to be in this business."
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