"I think the only way to deal with depression is to make fun of it."

"Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose."

"I think the human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public."

"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."

"I had a period of about seven years when I was drinking and doing drugs, and it was a very dark time. I'm lucky to be alive."