I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.
Comedian, social critic
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"I like it when a guy is so stupid he doesn't know he's being made fun of. That's funnier than anything."
Humorous"I'm a pessimist. I'm really good at it. I've been practicing for a long time."
Controversial"I don’t have pet peeves; I have major psychotic fucking hatreds."
Strange & Unusual"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."
Shocking"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
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