"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music."

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."

"All my best words are those that I stole from other people."

"I'm not a fan of modern books. I think it's a bunch of people who are trying to be profound, but they're just writing about themselves."