"I'm not a guru. I'm just a guy who has a lot of opinions."

"If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"

"I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' optimistic."

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist."

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."